DELIBERATELY

I wait.
I pace.
I trip over my own shadow,
(deliberately),
because I want to find a reason for the pain
that lives inside me.
Memories about you
fade,
but not my anger,
that’s always present,
digging in,
like the bleakest night in arctic.
I sip cold coffee –
a reminder of those long evenings,
when you weren’t here,
and
I want to dilute my drink
with hot, salty tears,
(deliberately),
just so I could feel
some sort of taste
in this room of total confinement.
I want to hate you,
but I’m afraid
that’s too strong of an emotion,
so I just continue
to long for you,
(de-
li-
be-
ra-
te-
ly-)
because it’s more self-destructive
this way.
And i like it.

– Chatty Owl –

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35 thoughts on “DELIBERATELY

  1. Soul says:

    Lovely i like poem you are fantastic…(digging in,
    like the bleakest night in arctic.)
    Dear greetings my friend.

    Soul.

  2. PƖ3TIC says:

    And oh how deliberately
    the word “deliberately”
    is put into parentheses
    hyphenated and divided
    Spaced out by line breaks
    Further placing emphasis
    On just how deliberate it is!

  3. punktyras says:

    Searching the reason of pain may be painful by itself. And you feel far more of it, than the initial one in the long run.

    • Chatty Owl says:

      What a great thought and insight.. But then again, if we dont search for the reason, then we stay so oblivious to the cause of the pain, which probably continue causing us pain in the future anyway!

    • Chatty Owl says:

      Thanks dear! I always smile, when see somebody else liking owls. šŸ™‚ and thanks for your praise and actually taking time to look through my blog, much appreciated!

  4. apatheticpoet says:

    lmao
    i sip cold coffee…
    i’m in a situation at the moment that’s known as heat or eat, in other words i struggle to provide both, coffee provides the heat while my daughter is at school.
    but coffee goes cold quickly in a cold house, and cold coffee doesn’t heat šŸ™‚

    • Chatty Owl says:

      You should see my smile, when I read comments like these. They make me want to never stop writing.. And I dont know how words come to me, they just do šŸ™‚ thank you, my dear!

  5. Gordon Freeman says:

    How easily we sit and watch, with a morbid fascination, the things that we allow to harm us. But what do we like more, is it the cut or the sting? Anything that causes us to feel something, even if that feeling is pain and suffering. Waking up with the slow trickle of feeling we get, the hungry need satisfied (for now at least), our eyes open to see the trickle of blood, and there the blood stained knife, is it a shock or a relief to see that it rests in our own hands.
    ————————
    Thanks Owly, you’re an inspiration šŸ˜‰
    Words and images form in my mind, I must write them down. Whilst hardly a rose, these words are for you.

    • Chatty Owl says:

      See… The funniest thing is, I wouldn’t really know what heartbreak really is. Or this feeling of total, desperate misery. Its all fiction to me and.. Its difficult to say whats better, the cut or the sting..
      Im flattered and in total awe to see that I inspire you, so a very sincere thank you is due! X

  6. Salty Frosting says:

    Self destructive on purpose… Building personal anticipation… Better than not recognizing the opposite… Numb and oblivious… Controlled reactions and fabricated feelings are better than nothing to feel for

    • Chatty Owl says:

      Replied and my comment disappeared… Hmmm. Lets try again.
      I sometimes think it’s better to be numb than to waste energy on fabricated feelings. Its exhausting and totally not worth it! No?
      Either way, love your thought provoking comments, my dear!

    • Salty Frosting says:

      I agree… And in that case, you recognize and welcome the numbness…a worthy absence of feeling… Giving value to something most can’t handle.. Great control!

  7. S.W. May says:

    Wow, you have quite a following! I’m jealous. As for your poem: I enjoy how you resist the hate. To me, hate is the best part of a break-up, but the most obvious and vulnerable.

    • Chatty Owl says:

      Don’t be jealous, it can be lethal šŸ˜‰
      As for the poem… Hate is the strongest feeling i have ever experienced, definitely a very powerful and destructive one. So I tend to resist it. Also, it would “honour” the receiving person too much to waste energy on such a powerful emotion!
      (Even though my poem is a total fiction…)

    • S.W. May says:

      since we are making a hierarchy of emotions: my vote for the worst is Boredom (too often not seen as an emotion). And for the record: I don’t believe in “total fiction.” šŸ˜‰

    • S.W. May says:

      lol, thanks. I didn’t know we were in a competition. My point was that there must be some portion of you in this poem. It to works too well for there not to be.

    • Chatty Owl says:

      Surprisingly enough, so very often I just imagine how it would be in a certain situation and then write about it. So of course, its me in the poem, because Im writing it, but very often emotions and feelings are faked out for artistic purposes šŸ™‚
      Of course there was a competition. Always is! Lol

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